So yesterday I tried feeding her directly again, and the first time it was so frustrating I didn't want to have anything to do with her afterward! That made me feel like such an awful mother, and she didn't get much of a feeding anyway. Most frustrating and disappointing experience ever. Then it was bottles again until this morning and I gave it a try again. This time it wasn't so frustrating, and I didn't have any time constraints so I just watched TV while she fed. Later on, I look at the clock and she's been going for 1hr50min! And she seemed like she could just keep going! Although the frustration wasn't there this time, the time it took to feed her was unrealistic!
It seems like maybe it's time to start formula for us. It would save us time and frustration. Yet I feel so guilty about it, and I worry that later on in life I'll be thinking 'Would she have been healthier if I just kept going with breastfeeding? Was I being selfish, sacrificing possible health benefits for her because I was frustrated and impatient?'. It's a tough call. I don't regret many things in life, and I'm worried this would become one of them.
So I'm thinking I'm going to add some formula feedings into the mix, and see how I feel about that. After feeding her directly and from a bottle today, I still definitely prefer feeding from a bottle. I don't feel as anti-pumping as I did yesterday, but I know that feeling comes and goes. It really is inconvenient, and I'm pretty sure my family thinks its ridiculous and the hardest possible path to have taken, but it seems to be the way I can be mostly happy (except while pumping) and feel like I'm doing the best thing for her by giving her (and me!) the health benefits of breastfeeding.
I am still le tired. *le sigh*
Kaylee is still freaking adorable! :D
I am still extremely grateful to my family for all the help they're giving me!
 |
| Us after one of today's feedings. We get sleepy... |
No comments:
Post a Comment